“Thomas Martel, 28, of Bonnie Brae is a big guy. So he has a hard time using the features on ever-shrinking user interfaces on devices like his new iPhone. At least, he did, until he had his thumbs surgically altered in a revolutionary new surgical technique known as ‘whittling,'” James Benfly reports for The North Denver News.

“‘This is really, on the edge sort of stuff,’ explains Dr. Robert Fox Spars, who worked on developing the procedure. ‘We’re turning plastic surgery from something that people use in service of vanity, to a real tool for improving workplace efficiency,'” Benfly reports.

“The procedure involved making a small incision into both thumbs and shaving down the bones, followed by careful muscular alteration and modification of the fingernails. While Martel’s new thumbs now appear small and effeminate in comparison to his otherwise very large hands, he says he can still lift ‘pretty much anything I could lift before the surgery – though opening spaghetti sauce jars has been a problem. That was a big surprise,'” Benfly reports.

Full article here.

[Thanks to MacDailyNews Reader “MT” for the heads up.]

They should’ve altered Martel’s and Dr. Franken… er, Spars’ brains before they started “whittling.”

(The article is dated August 8th, not April 1st – that was the first thing we checked.)

[UPDATE: 8/14/07, 10:59am EDT: The publication has now admitted that the article is meant to be a joke.]