“So I’m working on a column about the Netflix streaming video and how nobody seems to understand the entire IPTV scene when the network calls me in a panic about Steve Ballmer going ballistic over the Apple iPhone,” John C. Dvorak writes for MarketWatch.

“I’ve already chatted about the device saying I can’t see it being that successful. Apparently Ballmer feels the same way,” Dvorak writes. “Right now the trend with these phones is to look more like a BlackBerry with little keyboards rather than to be minimalist with not even a numeric dial keypad the way the Apple iPhone is designed.”

MacDailyNews Take: Apple doesn’t follow trends, it creates them. Dvorak is a classic technophobe; likely conditioned to fear new things due to his use of Microsoft Windows PCs. Change is bad, no matter what, to people like Dvorak. The Macintosh uses an experimental pointing device called a mouse. There is no evidence that people want to use these things. – John Dvorak, San Francisco Examiner, February 1984.

Dvorak continues, “Microsoft sells an operating system for smart phones and is in a fight to the death with Symbian, the rival standard put out by Nokia, Ericsson, Panasonic and other wireless phone makers. Microsoft doesn’t need some third player coming into the game with what is essentially a vague copy of what it already does.
No wonder Ballmer’s upset.”

MacDailyNews Take: Wait. Logic fault. Dvorak can’t see iPhone being that successful, but it’s no wonder that Ballmer’s upset?

Dvorak continues his baiting, “As I began to think about it, how come all the writers fawning all over the iPhone never mentioned Microsoft during the discussion? How does that work? How do you bring out a product, use a name that isn’t yours, copy the idea of a major competitor who is constantly blamed for copying your ideas and get off free of criticism?”

MacDailyNews Take: Apple’s iPhone with Mac OS X and the multi-touch UI copies Microsoft’s Windows Mobile? Only in Dvorak’s warped mind.

Dvorak continues, “Jobs traveled throughout India in his youth, when Transcendental Meditation was hot and various screwball gurus were training the Beatles and other folks how to meditate. Heck, Mitch Kapor, who founded Lotus (get it?) Development actually got so far into this that he taught Transcendental Meditation himself. I’ve always suspected that Jobs ran into some crazy guru who taught him this reality distortion field trick. Seriously, it’s the only explanation when you start to think about it.”

Dvorak writes, “One of the untold stories in Silicon Valley is the number of rich crazies who are caught up in various pseudo-religious spiritual pursuits that they bend to suit business needs. Epson America in the 1980′s was essentially run by Scientologists as was the Ashton-Tate empire until its founder died. IMSAI and numerous other SF Bay Area companies were dominated by EST trainees and apostles. But to me none of it has ever been as weird as the Steve Jobs reality distortion field. Maybe it’s all a coincidence and Steve is just a naturally charismatic guy. Anything is possible. But the reality distortion field does exist. And at least Ballmer sees it, even if all those reporters covering Jobs don’t.”

Full article here.
Can you believe this? No. It’s nonsense. The simple reason for this idiocy is that John C. Dvorak baits Apple product users in an attempt to generate traffic to his tripe:

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